Christmas CDs

Every year Tom would buy a new Christmas CD. We have CDs ranging from A Cowboy Christmas (rather funny) to Mannheim Steamroller (traditional) to John Prine (quite black actually).

Every few years Tom would just come home with his new CD but usually it was a process. Depending on the years and current shopping availability we would check out Starbucks, Target, Best Buy, and when possible end up at Cactus. Cactus, like guitar stores, and big technology boxes is not my shopping venue of choice. Actually I have no shopping venues of choice but when I was with Tom I could not just run in, look around and leave. Instead I would have a book, find a corner, and read. After Tom picked out his selection, and a generous pile of other CDs for good measure, we would pay and leave. And another CD was in the collection.

In 2008 Tom brought up several times that we needed to get the Christmas CD. But it did not happen. It did not happen because Tom was very sick. We could not go to stores and shop. Tom could not leave the house or was in the hospital. But he still really wanted that CD. I acknowledged the request, but then changed the subject as I had a few other things on my mind. And I so regret it. I should have gone to Cactus and brought 25 choices and let Tom pick and returned all the rest.

Sometimes I think about all the things I could have done different to save Tom. Like maybe there was just one thing done quicker or slower or not done or added in that could have saved him. And when that very odd and irrational part of my brain kicks in I wonder if it was buying that Christmas CD.

So this year I went and bought a Christmas CD. There were several choices and I really wanted Bessy Smith. Tom of course would have wanted the new Bob Dylan. We compromised with Melissa Etheridge. And I think Tom was happy about it.