Tom died today one year ago.
When I post, as is quite obvious I'm afraid, I usually just write. I get an idea. Think about it a while and then type. Spell check, a little editing and I'm done. But today I don't know what to write. I could go down the expected and true paths of what an amazing man Tom was and talk about the difference he made in so many lives. I could write about how much I miss him or how blessed I am to have such a terrific support system that will not let me slip between the cracks no matter how much I try.
But that does not express it. The remembrances and the cards and the calls and the prayers are all more important than I can express but there is something inside I want to say and I don't know what it is.
It is probably because I am still at that stage of completely not understanding why this had to happen to Tom, to me, and to all of us. And why if I am PMI certified and a Christian and know good attorneys this could not have been avoided. And you can laugh but I swear I think these thoughts. I wonder why Santa Margarita can be so good and yet Tom is not alive. And why I know there are cold people on the street tonight and I can't let go of his jackets.
So I ramble on and have no deep insights for this one year anniversary. But Tom if you are reading this (and hopefully editing it for me) know that you are as loved as much as ever and missed even more. Please stop by if you can. Love Theresa
1 comment:
I certainly knew a year had passed, but if you know me, you know that I don't keep track of a calendar very well. But when i woke up and let my dog outside, the weather was a little gray with a desire to drizzle. It was exactly the type of weather I'd gone out on shoots with Tom in. Beginning in January, Tom and I would inevitably hit the road to shoot video for clients' upcoming shows. I'd complain that we were going to have bad weather, and Tom would say, "well, at least we're out of the office and on the road." And he was right. So yesterday was definitely a day when I though a lot about him. When I got to work, I thought that it must have been about a year since he passed - and as soon as I looked on the calendar, I realized it was. I miss him a lot and think of him daily - but there are just certain moments when the world just gives me a little extra reminder of how big a little moment can be.
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