June 22, 2007

June 22 was the two year anniversary of Tom's diagnosis. I really don't like using the word "anniversary" in this context. I know we have the anniversary of D Day and of 9-11 but I prefer "anniversary" to be a day of celebration like the anniversary of a birth or marriage. But for lack of a more complete vocabulary I am going with "anniversary".

Two years and several days ago Tom started complaining about not feeling right. He could not focus, he was having trouble typing and an email that should have taken 30 seconds to type was taking 10 minutes. We wrote it off to stress, or not sleeping well but finally Tom decided to go and see his primary physician about it. Dr. Reuben performed a few manual tests and determined Tom had "drifting." That is when one of your hands or arms moves on its own accord when you are not directly paying attention to it. So for example, you hold your coffee while reading the newspaper...and suddenly your hand has turned upside down and you are spilling. This is a sign of brain trouble.

Dr. Reuben sent Tom to Dr. Jones, a neurologist who did an MRI and within hours we knew Tom had a large tumor. It took days for us to figure out it was cancer and it was only after the surgery we knew it was GBM.

But two years ago on June 22 I got a call from Tom at work saying he had a golf ball sized tumor in his left parietal lobe and everything changed.

On June 22, 2009 I felt this was one of many chances I had to celebrate the life of Tom. After a yoga class Joanne, Donna, Hugh, and I spent a few minutes toasting Tom with a bottle of champagne. We shared a few memories of him and mostly wished he was with us.

I look at Tom's pictures every day, every hour. I celebrate his life and the way he approached the transition to his next life. And I am working really hard to get through each day. But I'll be darned if I don't keep forgetting he is dead and think it is his step in the hall or his car door slamming or him on the other end of the phone ringing.

It is not of course but the memory is strong and I remain so grateful for the years we had together.