The wisdom of Marge Simpson

Marriage is a beautiful thing. But it's also a battle for moral supremacy.

- Marge Simpson


When I first read this quote it seemed to be to be dead on. Moral supremacy could be defined as having the highest principles or rules of right conduct or the most authoritative distinction between right and wrong; ethical. When a husband a wife are pitted against each other for this distinction a very strong irony surfaces.

But in spite of that I wondered if somewhere in the history of our relationship were Tom and I in this compeition? Like most people we want to be right. Well actually ...

I want to be right.
Tom wants to right.
Unless we were being insulted as a couple (and I don't think that ever happened) "we" never had a need to be right. Like most people Tom wants to be right and I want to be right.

A few months ago I read the phrase "When you are right you are only right." I love that sentence. While there are some things that really count and it is important to have an opinion and make sure the other person accepts that opinion (Car is stuck on a train track and a train is coming. It is pretty imperative your passenger accepts your opinion that getting out the car fast is critical). But most of the time, being right really does not matter.

Who cares if they like your idea to use a pulley? Who cares if the wood you left for the trash is under the allowable length and they still did not take it? Who really cares if you asked for three pumps and they gave you four?

It is a lot easier and less painful to let the conversation or event go. The earth will not stop moving.

Now I am not advocating always rolling over, or giving up, or letting someone get away with lying or cheating or always being lazy. But rarely in conversations where one is hell-bent to be "right" does the other person suddenly cheerfully smile and suddenly remember it is all their fault.

Usually nothing good comes from being right in the small stuff.

It was my nature to be right. To win, to get the wrong person to admit defeat, guilt, and be remorseful. Which is fair (of course) because I was right.

Tom taught me through his actions, in retrospect, that a lot of times it was ok to walk away from the disagreement. Not always. But sometimes. Tom made sure we never fell into a competition of moral supremacy. We both just tried to do the right thing and respect each other in the process.

Tonight I will go home with no one to call my bluff, to aggressively counter my opinions, or to happily agree that I am right. I guess some things never change.