Tom and Julia

Tom was really good with kids. He loved them and they loved him right back. He had great relationships with our niece Alex and nephew Noah, but outside the family he had a very special love for Julia Klein.

Jennifer (Julia's mom) and I met back in graduate school. Seems like (and probably was) two decades ago. Jennifer met her husband Mike shortly before Tom and I met so we did lots of growing up together.

Tom and I were blessed to be invited to the hospital right after Jennifer gave birth. Tom was the first "non-hospital person, non-Klein" to hold Julia and I don't think he ever wanted to give her up. He was so happy with her. We would go to the Klein's and he could barely take his attention back to the adults. Tom also loved Sasha, (Jennifer and Mike's son) but somehow that first-minutes-of life-bond remained so strong.

The weekend after we found out about Tom's tumor we took action to get our paperwork in order. We needed to get various powers of attorney in order and wills witnessed, etc. We went immediately to the Klein's. Mike cracked jokes, Jen gave us cookies, Sasha played with trucks, I tried to act normal, and Tom sat at the kitchen table with his arm around Julia. When we left Mike took our picture with the kids. That picture was on the cover of the medical binder we used for years.

A long time after Tom's service I found a note Tom had written about his two favorite pictures. One was the picture Mike took that day back in June 2007.

Tom's truck

As long as I knew Tom he was an SUV kinda guy. When we met he was driving a black SUV that was already old and he still had to keep it and pay on it. He got screwed on a lease and ended up with too many miles so he had to do a buy out.

It was finally paid for and Tom still drove the heck out of it. One day a young man knocked on our door. He wanted to buy Tom's truck for $500. Tom was very honest about the vehicle's challenges but the man wanted it anyway. Tom researched it on the web, found the price was fair if somewhat generous and sent it to its new home.

Then he went shopping. He came home with a Chevy Trail Blazer. Above is the picture they took when he signed the papers back in May 2004. The Chevy was a fine car and although the gas mileage was low it hauled all his gear and all my projects and our dog and boxes of stuff all the time. I rarely drove it being content in my convertible.

When Tom could no longer safely drive, maybe in October of 2008, I started driving his car because it was much easier for him to climb in and out. When Tom died I alternated driving it every other week. I thought about getting rid of it but my car is just not so good with a dog or a 2x4. I thought about getting rid of my car but Tom's car is not so good with the top coming off. And since they are both paid for and low maintenance I'll just keep them until some financially driven event causes me to change my mind.

However here is the cool thing. After driving Tom's truck for well over a year I noticed some buttons above the windshield. After pressing them all a few times Tom's voice came out! I was really hoping it was like OnStar from Heaven but it turns out it was a memo recording system that Tom used once for testing. He spoke part of the Gettysburg address.

After being in that car alone for so many miles and still apologizing when I spilled my coffee, stressing over the dog hair, and knowing I should wash it more than quarterly it was a blast to have Tom's voice in there with me. Here is how it sounds...

Click here to listen.

(or cut and paste this link into a new browser window http://www.box.net/shared/g464ns47bu )

No idea why hearing Tom's voice from back in 2004 when he had his new car feels so good but I have listened to it 100 times.

2.8.10 Call for posting

For a really long time now I have been posting about Tom. Most every post is me trying to tell even more about this extremely wonderful man. I'd love to expand the view point.

Will you please contribute? One line, or three paragraphs or multiple pages. Photos or no photos. Even a video or audio clip would be great. Clearly, the posts I have written are not monumental or the stuff of literary legend. Don't make it hard. Just type and feel.

Email your words, etc. to me and I will so happily post them. I'd love to hear stories of how you met Tom or what happened in your lives together. Thanks for thinking about it.


Love Theresa

One year anniversary 2.2.2010

Tom died today one year ago.

When I post, as is quite obvious I'm afraid, I usually just write. I get an idea. Think about it a while and then type. Spell check, a little editing and I'm done. But today I don't know what to write. I could go down the expected and true paths of what an amazing man Tom was and talk about the difference he made in so many lives. I could write about how much I miss him or how blessed I am to have such a terrific support system that will not let me slip between the cracks no matter how much I try.

But that does not express it. The remembrances and the cards and the calls and the prayers are all more important than I can express but there is something inside I want to say and I don't know what it is.

It is probably because I am still at that stage of completely not understanding why this had to happen to Tom, to me, and to all of us. And why if I am PMI certified and a Christian and know good attorneys this could not have been avoided. And you can laugh but I swear I think these thoughts. I wonder why Santa Margarita can be so good and yet Tom is not alive. And why I know there are cold people on the street tonight and I can't let go of his jackets.

So I ramble on and have no deep insights for this one year anniversary. But Tom if you are reading this (and hopefully editing it for me) know that you are as loved as much as ever and missed even more. Please stop by if you can. Love Theresa

Skiing esp Breckenridge

Tom and I loved skiing. We travelled all over each year going to one or two places. We went to Jackson Hole and Sunshine, Telluride, Taos, and all over Utah. Our last trip was to Breckenridge.

This was a different trip than we ever took before. It was staying in a large house with one friend and a lot of people we had not met. The town was lovely but it was very very cold and the slopes were crowded. I'm very jealous of my skiing and a few days into it became very frustrated at the lift lines and busy runs. I got quite pouty one day and really regret it now. Nothing like a mini-scene in a busy bar to put a damper on the day.

One day we planned on taking off and having a special day. I booked a snowmobile ride and a sleigh ride to a cabin and dinner in the woods. We got stuck in the snow and missed the snowmobile ride but got to the remote location in time for the sleigh ride and dinner. It was a wonderful ride and a fun dinner in a big cabin filled with apple pies and hot cider (and a bit of Jack in our cups). We sat behind giant horses, took silly pictures, and ate until we were stuffed. I was so happy sitting there next to Tom all bundled up in our parkas sniffing and laughing and cuddling up. It never occurred to me it would be our last ski adventure.

On the way home, deep in the dark, on an icy road way outside of nowhere, we looked up to see two little girls standing by the side of the road crying. It turns out their dad was driving a pick-up truck home from the same trip we had been on and lost control of the truck. He ran off the road and went over the edge. His truck flipped over into the river. He got the girls out and was still down there trying to do something that I can't recall. Tom stayed in our car and soothed the girls and tried to warm them up. I started climbing down to get the dad who met me half way up.

We drove back to the event location (closer than the town) and managed to warm up the girls emotionally and physically. We listened to the dad who just kept saying how is wife was going to kill him. Quietly we talked about what could have happened if we did not come by. There was no cell phone service out there and very little traffic.

But through it all Tom stayed calm. He drove slow and cautious and for someone that had rarely been on ice before he got the girls back safely and us home happily. It ended up being a magical night. I can still see the girls standing there freezing in the headlights, and Tom focused and quiet behind the wheel. And by the end of it we were cozy in a nice warm bed together

Even on our last ski trip Tom made a big difference in the lives of strangers and in the life of me. We were a very good team.

(picture: Right before heading out to drive home. We thought the deer was so giant he had to pose with us.)

Tom's dad

Tom had a very special relationship with his dad. He loved him very much and I think that they shared a special bond through the very calm, measured way they lived.

Tom's dad loved to golf and some of Tom's best childhood memories were on the links with Mr. Jim Lawrence.

Mr. Lawrence got ill very unexpectedly. He passed quickly. At that time Austin was living in Arlington and a member for the motorcycle branch of the Arlington Police Department. He arranged to have a special motorcycle convoy accompany Mr. Lawrence from the funeral home to the cemetery and then to lead Mrs. Lawrence home. The team did an amazing job and the tall, strong, professional officers were something Tom and I never forgot.

Most every time Tom and I went to Arlington we would visit his father's grave. Tom was quiet and respectful and calm and just poured love to his father. As such when given an opportunity for a quick turnaround trip to Arlington over the holidays I jumped on it. Nicole and Austin and I drove up and back in one day with the highlight of the day visiting Mr. Lawrence's grave.

There is so much I don't know about the future but I'm guessing my visits to Arlington are limited. It was therefore a blessing to visit the cemetery, and leave some of Tom with all of Mr James Lawrence.

Christmas CDs

Every year Tom would buy a new Christmas CD. We have CDs ranging from A Cowboy Christmas (rather funny) to Mannheim Steamroller (traditional) to John Prine (quite black actually).

Every few years Tom would just come home with his new CD but usually it was a process. Depending on the years and current shopping availability we would check out Starbucks, Target, Best Buy, and when possible end up at Cactus. Cactus, like guitar stores, and big technology boxes is not my shopping venue of choice. Actually I have no shopping venues of choice but when I was with Tom I could not just run in, look around and leave. Instead I would have a book, find a corner, and read. After Tom picked out his selection, and a generous pile of other CDs for good measure, we would pay and leave. And another CD was in the collection.

In 2008 Tom brought up several times that we needed to get the Christmas CD. But it did not happen. It did not happen because Tom was very sick. We could not go to stores and shop. Tom could not leave the house or was in the hospital. But he still really wanted that CD. I acknowledged the request, but then changed the subject as I had a few other things on my mind. And I so regret it. I should have gone to Cactus and brought 25 choices and let Tom pick and returned all the rest.

Sometimes I think about all the things I could have done different to save Tom. Like maybe there was just one thing done quicker or slower or not done or added in that could have saved him. And when that very odd and irrational part of my brain kicks in I wonder if it was buying that Christmas CD.

So this year I went and bought a Christmas CD. There were several choices and I really wanted Bessy Smith. Tom of course would have wanted the new Bob Dylan. We compromised with Melissa Etheridge. And I think Tom was happy about it.