Big Tom’s Eulogy with Love - Nicole

Big Tom’s Eulogy as shared by Nicole Strong at Tom's Memorial Service 2.2.09

“Big Tom” as he was affectionately known, was to most of us, a gentle man with a soft laugh, and few words. But once you got to know him, you saw why Theresa fell in love with him. Big Tom was the quirkiest guy with the driest sense of humor I have ever met.

One day we were in the hospital, Tom was suffering from terrible sores on his bottom. All of our best efforts to get him a special cream to relieve the pain proved unsuccessful. Finally after days of trying to get the cream, as Tom was getting a full bath in bed, lying there in all his naked glory, the cream arrived. Cheers and high-fives went up all around the room. As the room began to quiet, Tom, in his usual dry-wit, deadpanned, “I would have never fathomed in my wildest dreams that one day I would be excited about butt cream”.

Tom is a man of few words. But, unlike many of us. Tom chose his words deliberately, if sparingly. One night as we shared dinner, overlooking a beautiful Houston sunset in the hospital room. I asked Tom if he was afraid of dying. Think about that for a moment. The man was in a hospital with a terminal disease, already having outlived the predicted timeline. Tom stared deeply into my eyes and raised a finger. “You want to know the answer?”, he said. “Love. Love is the answer. Love is the answer to everything. If you love---everything in the whole world will work itself out."

That was Tom. The common thread that wove thru his life was optimism and gratitude. His journal, over and over, spoke of love and blessings. Bitterness, anger, railing at the unfairness of it all? Not once. Rather, everything reflected both spirituality, and the power of choice.

July 24. “We have the power to choose how something is going to affect us. We can choose to be mad and complain, or we can choose to deal with the challenge with a good attitude and a smile. It sounds a little simplistic here, but try it, and try it sincerely. If you have not already experienced the power of choice and good positive thinking, you will be amazed at just how powerful it can be! Mix in practicing your faith with the power of choice and you have an unbeatable combination."

But you see, that is where Tom was different. He practiced - daily, his beliefs. Many of you know that Tom was an ordained minister, yet never once was Tom “preachy”. He exemplified the belief of St. Francis of Assisi - “At all times, preach the gospel. When necessary, use words”. The closest I ever saw Tom become negative was on 7.12.08- “It has not all been morning glories and buttercups though”. God, I love him.

Tom was first and foremost, an unusually happy guy with an easy laugh. After one particular grueling physical therapy session at the hospital I said gently to Tom, “Would you like a little nap?” Without missing a beat Tom said, “Actually, what I’d like to do is play 18 holes at Pebble Beach.”

Regrets? For Tom, not many. Tom was one of the rare individuals perfectly content in his own skin. Austin, my better half, has said to me in tears, “I’ll really miss Tom. He got me. No one really gets me, but Tom did.” I think many of us would agree.

Peace. 7.17.07 “Today I enjoyed watching the egrets fly. In pairs, low over the water. Just cruising and easy as you please. I’ve always wanted to fly. The first thing I can remember ever wanting to be is an astronaut. I would say I dream of soaring like an eagle, but that’s too passé. The Carlos Castenada stories from the teachings of Don Juan had to do with him turning into an eagle and flying. This has made such an impression on me.”

Joy. Halloween, 08. “I love the sound of old time jangly guitars-bright and happy. Sounds that make you pick up your feet, sounds that let you know that there is so much more to life. Let’s make that kind of music! Every moment should be a celebration!”

So on that note, let’s honor Tom’s request. Let’s celebrate. Let’s practice gratitude. Let us love.

Finally, I would like to leave everyone with a smile. In one particularly insightful journal entry, well after his diagnosis, Tom wrote, “The idea that Keith Richards could survive me in death is so ironic to me-a bit twisted yes-but so sublime in the perfection of it all-Humor me with this one-it’s really funny."

We’ll miss you Big Tom.